Ryan Dunn Rides the Porshe Lumberjack Bareback!
by Darfur Maxx
Summary: Disillusioned with his life and career on MTV's Jackass, Ryan goes the way of the Michael Jordan of Drunk Driving and stars in his final stunt.


Ryan Dunn was gassing up his porshe outside of a walmart/taco bell industrial megacomplex, listening to some ke$ha shit or whatever on the radio. That fuckin radio hanunts my worst nightmare BUT ANYWAY Ryan was looking around, you see. He sees some kewl shit kind of offf the right hand side liek you would'nt believe, but ohoho youuu willlll Ryan's like "Woah dude, maybe I can get sum action befoer I go back to Jackass and suck ass like all the other jackasses that still watch this shit." and yes he spoke the period out loud, because he's RYAN FUCKING DUNNNNN! He then walked off, escaping his porshe death trap for another day. Because he's a weed lord and this is 2014, he got to his destination about as fast as a turtle or some shit you thought I was gonna say nigga didn't ya? lmao nope negroes go faaaaasrt! Not double d DUNN however, he's hopelessly addicted to the herb of death and satanicry and "that urge fat women get to suck dick" and as a sad excuse of human excretmen-OOPS I MEANT SHIT and more importantly, a Proud AMERICAN Patriot, he becomes depressed over his awful, life draining addiction. By the time he actually reaches what he thought was some dang ol cool stuff (it was a used cherokee hair tampon), he's managed to take a little walk on the wild side. In Detroit. The black part of Detroit. About a thousand fuckin times, and is paid only in cheap mexicano grass that even Spongebob wouldn't touch. And he kept doing tyhis, which is why he'll never, ever get to see the kool shit for what it really is, which isn't much if you haven't watched that one South Park episode where the cherokee hair tampons came from.

"hey aBITCH u BITCH helllo BTIHC BTICH!" a big scary (read: sexy) black man said into Ryan's flat wigger bootyhole. Ryan shrieked and started mauling the black man with his teeth and asshole's teeth, tearing the brainsnsnsnsss oh yes...

"No no you houbou, only Steve-O can breath up dis Butt-O!" Ryan said in the gayest voice Weeman's Man Meat ever got sucked by as he sent the black man into the B-Ball Dimension where he and his live-in terrorist boyfriend Alfred Alfer belong, along with the Shikon no Tama and all seven Dragon Balls, with his asshole. Speaking of asshole, Ryan's has just erupted within itself, shredding it's shit intestines with it's shit blood contaminating all the shit he still had up his bungholiooo and then he shat himself the bloodiest, shittiest and most yummy explosion of shitblood this side of Arkansas. If this shit was an ape, it would be Donkey Kong, the King Kong of Konstipation and Diarhea. A Kong-itude of bloody shit engulfed his porsche that some dude stole months ago and just so happened to be coming along this shitblood-stained field of NOWHERE to pick up boy and girl, and not the kind you get off the bus after skooooooooWEED AND COCAINE BITCH! IM BALLIN IN THIS SHIT. Back before his shitty bloody anus ever knew of the feel of a (black) MTV Awards, not that this is just a metaphor for (black) penises or anythiiingggg, but before that dark, haaarrdship occured, a giant bleeding bubonic vagina came out from the sky.

"Hello, horny non-pokemon, my name is Miss Giant Bleeding Bubonic Vagina." the vagina queefed happily.

Ryan waddled into his porshe that was somehow now on fire, his shitty poop apparently self-combusts spontaneously. He fastened his seatbelt, since the time niggers and a horrible flying pussy from probably CNN was watching. "Hi, I'm Ryan Dunn, and this is Porsche Lumberjack." He smiled for what he thought was a camera (it was another cherokee hair tampon. Inuyasha was eating it.) and revved up his engine! The anticipation made Miss Giant Bleeding Bubonic Vagina moist with bloody curiosity. If he could start up a flammable piece of shit from the 70's with an exploded anus that Donkey Kong pissed through, what else could he do within a 22 minute network time slot? She had to find out!

 **TO BE CONTINUED** **  
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